As I have continued thinking about what is truly important, I keep hearing a word in my mind. It is as though a voice keeps whispering to me...less. I've thought about it, and I think it is an accurate representation of my mind and my heart right now. I want less. What? Don't I live in America, the land of MORE, MORE, MORE? Have I lost it? Quite possibly, the answer is yes.
You see, I want less.
I want less stuff because I am sick and tired of the mess around me. When you have too much stuff, you spend all of your time cleaning it up, trying to find a place for it, dusting it, organizing it, laundering it, etc. So yes, I want less of that...less mess, less time spent cleaning, organizing, ironing, laundering, or honestly just stepping over all of the stuff that clutters my home.
I want less worry. I don't want my days consumed with worry and what-ifs. I want to live in the moment, making the most out of every minute God gives me. To do that, I need less worry and more trust in Him. I really struggle with this, and unfortunately I am seeing it really come out in one of the kids also. I'm trying, and I am getting better, but I still have a long way to go. That worry monster is a beast, I tell ya.
I want less debt. I don't like owing people money. It hangs over my head, always taunting me and making me feel as though I need to justify every penny I spend lest others think I am being frivolous. I just don't like it. Honestly, I don't want less debt, I want NO debt!
I want less comparison. I want to feel confident in who I am, and I want to stop comparing myself to others. I want to stop comparing myself to women on TV, in magazines, and at the mall. I want to stop comparing my car to the ones others drive, and my clothes to the ones I see others wear. I want to stop comparing my kids and their accomplishments with other children around me...are they where they should be in school, am I a bad mother because we don't do all of the extra-curricular stuff out there, am I robbing them of something because we homeschool and spend our days at home together? I don't want all of that to become my measuring stick, and I surely don't want all of that to be the measure by which Natalie or Levi compare themselves. It starts with me. So yes, I want less comparison and more contentment.
What I have decided is that less is really more. Less stuff, and in turn less time spent managing that stuff, means more time to spend on the important things, like hanging out with my children reading a good book or playing games. Less worry means more dependance on God, and He has promised to provide all that I need. Less debt means more money freed up for generosity and giving and helping those around me, along with less stress wondering how we will make it through the end of the month. Less comparison means more contentment, more rest, more freedom to be me.
The bottom line is that less of me leads to more of HIM. That is all the reason I need to seek a life of less.
** Check back soon for more happenings at the homestead. I promise to share some pictures around the farm soon!